I’ve been…

I’VE BEEN BANNED FROM TRACTOR SUPPLY.. Yesterday I was at my local TSC store buying a large bag of my dog’s food for my loyal livestock guard dog and was in the checkout, when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog? What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I’m retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn’t have a dog, I was starting the Dog Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I’d lost 10 pounds before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with dog nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the curb to sniff an Irish Setter’s rear end and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. I’m now banned from Tractor Supply. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of things to say. Forward this now, (especially) to all your mature friends…… it will be their laugh for the day.

Related Posts

She Tried to Rewrite Our Family Legacy—But One Question Exposed Everything

My brother Noah and I were always close, but things shifted when he got engaged to Vanessa. From day one, she seemed overly interested not just in…

Ozzy Osbourne’s Final Curtain Call: Rock Legend Dies Peacefully at 76, Surrounded by Family

The world of rock and heavy metal is in mourning following the death of Ozzy Osbourne, the legendary frontman of Black Sabbath, who passed away at age…

The Day She Disappeared: A Father’s Wake-Up Call to What Really Matters

It was a typical Tuesday until I got a call that shattered my sense of normal. My 5-year-old daughter, Alice, was on the line—her voice trembling. “Daddy?…

A Cop Bought Him Dinner—But It Was the Kid’s Silent Gesture That No One Saw Coming

I was in the booth by the window, half-focused on my phone and a cold coffee, when I noticed the kid come in. Hood pulled tight, eyes…

These are the consequences is…

The Emotional Cost of Sleeping with the Wrong Person Sharing physical intimacy with someone who doesn’t respect or value you can leave lasting emotional scars. What may…

Fields, France & a Surprise at Supper

On a quiet stretch of countryside near a sleepy village, an aging sheep farmer tended the land that had sustained his family for generations. His days were…