When my husband Ethan first pushed a piece of paper across the kitchen table, I thought it would be a grocery list or a note about our upcoming appointments. Instead, I found myself staring at something that rendered me utterly speechless: a neatly typed schedule detailing how I could “improve” as a wife. While many would have tossed it aside in frustration, I chose to approach it with a steady and careful touch. Ethan really believed he could turn me into some kind of domestic ideal with his little printed schedule, but he was in for a big surprise.

I always thought of myself as the steady one in our marriage—calm, patient, and more likely to give others the benefit of the doubt. Ethan, in contrast, often embraced new ideas with a sense of wonder and excitement that felt almost innocent. Most of the time, it was just harmless things: a high-end blender he insisted would make us health enthusiasts, or an online guitar class he believed would bring out his inner rock star.

Recently, Ethan found himself swayed by his co-worker Glen, who claimed to be a “expert” on relationships, even though he had never actually maintained one himself. Glen was the type of person who believed that being loud meant being right, the sort who could ramble on for ages without ever really paying attention. He enjoyed sharing his opinions on how wives ought to act, and it seemed that Ethan had absorbed every single one of those suggestions.

Initially, Ethan would make subtle remarks that really caught my attention. “Glen believes that managing a household is primarily the wife’s duty,” he would say nonchalantly, or “Glen thinks women ought to always maintain their attractiveness.” I would roll my eyes or respond with something sarcastic, hoping Ethan would see how absurd it all was. He appeared to grow more convinced with each conversation, adopting a subtle look of disapproval whenever I opted for takeout instead of cooking dinner or let a pile of laundry sit until the weekend.